mid-week update: working life + 3

Whoops, I pretty much abandoned this place for a while huh? As you may or may not I've been working part-time somewhere and ... things have been rough lately. I suppose this is a venting post but it gets happier (trust me).

I suppose this is where I fail you: as a colleague, as a friend. A good friend I might add. Perhaps I've failed you miserably for being weaker than I should be, for allowing people to step above my head and putting me in a position where I have never felt so unhappy. Maybe you find me ridiculous for merely being able to say "I feel unhappy" without so much as a reason to why. But trust me, even if I tried to tell you everything will pan out to be the most ridiculous.

I don't believe I need to explain myself to you (nor anyone else) about my unhappiness. It is something that is within me that doesn't settle right in my stomach. All the negative energy that's been seemingly passed though to me day after day week after week person after person. I've caught a bug. I failed.

As a person, you are entitled to your feelings. While our feelings may be at two ends of the pole right now I hope you understand where I'm at while I try to understand where you're at. You're right, I make the last decision. But ultimately you know it isn't entirely. I can think about it and make a decision but if I'm refused of it, then it's not my call. The ball no longer is in my court.

On your account I've pondered so much if I should sit my ass down and settle or step out and say something. I was pushed to the limit and I broke. Maybe that's an excuse to some but I know myself better than anyone else. I didn't need to be cradled like a child at all this week - I simply needed a fresher air to breathe and for others to recognize that I'm trying my best.

I am saddened that you feel the way you do and jumping to a conclusion but likewise, you're entitled to that feeling and thought. Am I unhappy? Yes, I am. But I will get through this rough phase. It happens don't it, feeling burnt out? I'm sure you've felt the same way.

I'm willing to reconsider everything, not for your sake not for mine but for the unexpected person who has taken care of me yesterday and to the friends I've made and have come to love.

And with that, I'll stay.

-

Three.
For being my rock, constantly saving me (my hero? hahaha) and most importantly, for loving me. Happiness should always be like this. Here's to many many more to come. 

I love you.